Dear Debbie,
I have made an observation about my relationships, both love relationships and friendships. For some strange reason I am attracted to people who ignore me or don’t like me as much as I like them. So, why do I like people more when they like me less? Is there something wrong with me?
Unbalanced
Dear Unbalanced,
Relationships are like the yin and yang of things. There is a push and a pull. We get excited by the hunt. We like to anticipate and accomplish. If success, money or fame comes easily, we don’t appreciate it unless we have worked hard. In fact, the best part of all is the anticipation. Relationship realities are often disappointing.
We all long for approval and validation – the more, the better. This increases our self-esteem. When “they” don’t like us, we try harder. We assume that they must be on a higher level of desire than we are if they are not attracted to us. If we can get them to really like us, then we feel more worthy.
If 50 people in the room adore us and greet us, it's the one person who doesn't that gets our attention. This person undermines our self-confidence, and we need to restore it with a win. Love is about the thrill of the chase. When he’s not that into you, the hunt really begins. Since Adam and Eve, we have always wanted what we can’t have!
Bring your mind in line with your heart and expose the mystery. Put your energy towards the pursuit of real happiness. We cannot compel love which is free to fly.
If you would like to sound off on this issue or ask a question about an issue in your life please e-mail Debbie Mandel
Debbie Mandel, MA is the author of
Changing Habits: The Caregivers' Total Workout and
Turn On Your Inner Light: Fitness for Body, Mind and Soul, a stress-reduction specialist, motivational speaker, a personal trainer and mind/body lecturer. She is the host of the weekly Turn On Your Inner Light Show on WGBB AM1240 in New York City , produces a weekly wellness newsletter, and has been featured on radio/ TV and print media. To learn more visit:
www.turnonyourinnerlight.com
